How to Bring Up Hurt Feelings in Therapy
Bringing up hurt feelings in therapy can feel intimidating — but it’s a crucial part of getting the most out of your therapeutic relationship. If something your therapist said didn’t sit right with you, you might wonder if it’s even okay to say so. (Spoiler: it is.)
Your therapist is there to help you feel seen and supported, and that means being open to your feedback — especially when it’s hard. Whether you’re working with a therapist in Seal Beach, Manhattan Beach, or virtually in California, this guide will walk you through how to bring up hurt feelings in therapy.
Why Bringing Up Hurt Feelings in Therapy Matters
The therapist-client relationship is built on trust, openness, and safety. When you feel hurt by something your therapist said or did, not addressing it can create distance. On the flip side, speaking up creates opportunities for healing, deeper trust, and modeling healthy communication.
Here’s what bringing up hurt feelings in therapy does:
- Strengthens the therapeutic relationship
- Encourages honesty and vulnerability
- Improves outcomes by tailoring therapy to your needs
- Builds confidence to speak up in other areas of life
Bringing up hurt feelings in therapy is not just allowed — it’s an important part of the process.
To learn about whether you should bring it up in the first place, check out Part 1 of this series.
How to Start the Conversation
If you’re unsure how to begin, try one of these:
- “I’ve been thinking about something from our last session that didn’t sit well with me.”
- “I’m not sure how to say this, but I think something you said may have hurt me.”
- “Can I share something that’s been on my mind since last session?”
You can also write it down or send it ahead of time if that feels easier. The important part is that you say something — your voice matters.
For more on assertive communication, check out Assertive Communication on Psychology Today.
How a Good Therapist Responds
A healthy, well-trained therapist will:
- Listen attentively and without judgment
- Validate your feelings
- Apologize if needed
- Clarify any misunderstandings
- Adjust their approach moving forward
At Coastal Therapy and Wellness, several of our therapists use Feedback Informed Treatment (FIT) — a structured way of checking in with clients — but all of our therapists welcome feedback to adapt their approach and make therapy a true place for you.
What If It Doesn’t Go Well?
Sometimes a therapist might miss the mark in their response. If they deflect, minimize your feelings, or get defensive, it may be worth asking for clarification or naming what’s missing for you:
- “I was hoping for more acknowledgment of how it made me feel.”
- “I don’t feel fully heard right now — can we slow down?”
If they’re not able to engage in that dialogue respectfully, it may be a red flag.
You deserve to feel emotionally safe in therapy. If a therapist repeatedly invalidates your experience, it might be time to explore other options.
If It Goes Well — Celebrate That!
Having a rupture and repair conversation is one of the most meaningful parts of therapy. It can create stronger trust, deepen your connection, and open up new insights into how you relate to others.
Even taking the step to speak up is worth acknowledging. Give yourself credit — that kind of vulnerability is brave.
We Offer Therapy Where You Are — And How You Are
Whether you’re seeking therapy in Seal Beach, therapy in Manhattan Beach, or virtual therapy across California, our team is here to support you. We believe therapy should meet you where you are, in every sense.
If you’re looking for therapists who welcome feedback and know how to navigate these moments with skill and heart — you’re in the right place.
To learn more about our team visit our About Us page.
A Note on Cultural Humility
If you come from a marginalized identity or culture, you may have been taught to “not question authority” or “be polite” even when hurt. At Coastal Therapy and Wellness, we understand that. Our therapists practice cultural humility and strive to create space where you can speak freely and be truly heard.
To learn more about cultural humility in mental health, visit National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
Final Thoughts
Bringing up hurt feelings in therapy can feel scary — but it’s often where the real magic happens. Therapy isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection, accountability, and growth.
If you’ve been holding something in, maybe this is your sign: it’s okay to bring it up.
Looking for a therapist who truly listens? Reach out to us to schedule a consultation today. We offer therapy in Seal Beach, Manhattan Beach, and virtually across California.