Part 1: When Your Therapist Hurts Your Feelings: Why It Matters
Therapy is supposed to be your safe place. The space where you can exhale, let your guard down, and share what’s been weighing on you — no judgment, no shame. But what happens when your therapist, the person you’ve started to trust, says something that just doesn’t land right? Maybe it’s a comment that rubs you the wrong way, a missed cue, or a tone that felt cold when you really needed warmth. Suddenly, the space that once felt safe now feels uncertain. And that hurts.
So what now? Should you tell them? Should you just let it go? Are you being too sensitive? (Spoiler alert: probably not.) This post is here to help you make sense of that knot in your stomach — with compassion, clarity, and a little bit of good sense. This is part one of a two-part series exploring what to do when your therapist hurts your feelings.
Why Your Feelings in Therapy Deserve Attention
First things first: your feelings are valid. Therapy isn’t just about venting or solving problems — it’s about connection. And connection comes with feelings. When something feels off in session, that emotional reaction is worth exploring. It might even be the doorway to some pretty important growth.
Your emotions aren’t an inconvenience — they’re a guide. They’re what help both you and your therapist know when something important is happening, even if it’s hard. If something a therapist says stings, it might reveal a tender spot worth talking about. Or maybe it’s a mismatch in communication style. Either way, your discomfort deserves attention— not dismissal.
Common Ways a Therapist Might Hurt Your Feelings
Even the most skilled and empathetic therapist is still… human. And like all humans, they might mess up. Not out of malice, but because even experts aren’t mind readers. Some common reasons clients feel hurt include:
- A comment meant to be supportive that came off as dismissive
- Cultural or identity-based misunderstandings
- Interruptions that feel invalidating
- Silence that lands more like rejection than reflection
- Jokes that miss the mark (yes, therapists can have awkward humor too)
Several of our therapists use a structured approach called Feedback Informed Treatment (FIT) — where they ask clients regularly how the session felt and if anything could be improved. At Coastal Therapy and Wellness, even if a therapist doesn’t formally use FIT, all are welcoming to feedback in order to adapt their approach and make therapy a true place for the client. Our goal is to build trust and make therapy a space where your voice is central, not something you have to tiptoe around.
The Therapist-Client Relationship Is Unique — and Vulnerable
The therapeutic relationship isn’t like any other. You’re probably not telling your dentist or your barista your deepest fears and childhood wounds. But your therapist? They get the raw stuff. So when the person holding space for your vulnerability does something that stings, it can hit harder than if it came from someone else.
This is what therapists call a “rupture” — a disruption in the therapeutic relationship. It happens more often than you’d think. And when handled well, it can actually become an opportunity for growth. But if it’s ignored, it can fester and make therapy feel less safe — or less helpful.
So the big question is: Should you say something?
How to Process When Your Therapist Hurt Your Feelings
If your therapist hurt your feelings, take a little time to think about what happened. Give yourself space to feel the feelings without immediately trying to fix them. Then ask yourself:
- What exactly happened that felt off?
- Was it a one-time comment, or a pattern?
- Do I want to keep working with this therapist?
- Do I feel safe enough to talk about this with them?
Sometimes, writing it down helps. Journaling (even if it’s just in your Notes app) can help you see if this is a moment to explore in therapy or a sign that you may need to move on.
Here’s the thing: You don’t need a “good enough” reason to feel what you feel. If it hurt, it’s worth unpacking. You don’t have to wait until it becomes unbearable to address it.
Why Not Speaking Up Can Make Things Worse
A lot of people hesitate to bring things up in therapy. Maybe you’re afraid of being too sensitive. Maybe you don’t want to hurt your therapist’s feelings (yes, we hear that one a lot). Or maybe you’re afraid they’ll get defensive, or worse — invalidate you again.
These fears are totally normal. And they deserve to be handled gently. But staying silent has risks too:
- You might begin to feel disconnected from your therapist
- You might avoid deeper topics in future sessions
- Therapy might become less effective — or more stressful
In short: unresolved hurt can block progress. That’s why in Part 2, we’ll cover how to bring it up in a way that feels safe and productive.
When to Consider Finding a New Therapist
Sometimes, the best move isn’t to stay and repair — it’s to gently step away. Here are a few signs it might be time to look elsewhere:
- Your therapist repeatedly invalidates your feelings
- You’ve brought up concerns and nothing changes
- You leave sessions feeling worse, not better — consistently
- There’s a lack of cultural understanding or safety that isn’t being addressed
It’s okay if you outgrow your therapist. Therapy is personal, and not every therapist is the right fit. That doesn’t make you difficult — it makes you human. A good match matters.
What We Value at Coastal Therapy and Wellness
At Coastal Therapy and Wellness, we’re serious about relationships — not just between our clients and their therapists, but in how we run our whole practice. Here’s what we believe in:
- Client-centered care: You’re the expert of your experience. We’re here to support, not steer.
- Feedback-first mindset: Whether formal (like Feedback Informed Treatment) or informal, we welcome feedback at all stages.
- Cultural humility: We’re always learning, listening, and growing to meet your unique needs.
- Real connections: No robot responses or therapy jargon — we aim to meet you as a whole person.
Whether you’re in Seal Beach, Manhattan Beach, or anywhere in California, we offer virtual therapy and in-person sessions with therapists who genuinely care.
Final Thoughts: Your Voice Matters When Therapy Hurts
If you’ve ever felt hurt in therapy, please know: you are not alone, and it doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It means you’re brave enough to notice what doesn’t feel right. That’s a strength.
In Part 2, we’ll break down exactly how to talk to your therapist about what happened, how to handle their response, and what to do if the conversation doesn’t go as hoped.
Want a therapist who listens — really listens?
Reach out to Coastal Therapy and Wellness to schedule a consultation. We’re here to support your growth — even when things get messy.