If you’ve looked into EMDR therapy, you’ve probably run into big words like “bilateral stimulation” and “adaptive information processing.” That’s a lot of jargon for something that’s actually pretty simple to experience. Here’s my plain answer to the question people really ask me: what does EMDR feel like?
Key takeaway: EMDR doesn’t start with eye movements on day one. We spend time preparing first. Once we start processing, most people say it feels strange, in a good way. You stay awake and aware the whole time. But a hard memory can start to feel lighter, sometimes in just one session.
Why EMDR Feels Odd (Even to Me)
So, what does EMDR actually feel like? Even after years of doing this work, I still think it feels a little like witchcraft. You sit there. You watch a light bar move, or listen to a tone, or follow my fingers. I check in every so often. That’s most of it. It really doesn’t look like it should do much. If someone watched a session without knowing what EMDR was, they’d probably think we were having the world’s calmest staring contest.
Most people come in doubtful, but a little hopeful too. By the time someone reaches out to me, they’ve usually already looked EMDR up, heard about it from a friend, or seen it mentioned somewhere. It’s shown up more and more in the news and even on TV. That mix of doubt and hope is a great place to start. I’ve watched EMDR work, over and over, for the vast majority of people I sit with. I still can’t fully explain why it works so well. It’s not shocking to me anymore. It’s still exciting every single time.
Why Does EMDR Actually Work? Three Leading Theories
Nobody has one single, fully agreed-on answer for why EMDR works so well, even researchers are still studying it. But there are a few strong theories, and each one has real research behind it.
- Working memory theory. Holding a memory in mind while also tracking eye movements uses up your brain’s limited short-term “workspace.” Splitting your attention like that seems to make the memory feel less vivid and less emotional.
- Orienting response theory. The side-to-side eye movements may trigger your brain’s natural response to something new happening nearby, the same reflex that makes you turn your head toward a sound. That response may help your brain shift how a memory feels.
- REM sleep theory. Researchers have compared EMDR’s eye movements to what your brain does during REM sleep, when it naturally files away emotional memories. EMDR may shift your brain into a similar processing mode while you’re awake.
Exactly why EMDR works is still an open question in research. But it’s one of the most studied trauma treatments out there, and all three of these theories have real science behind them.
You Don’t Need One Big Trauma for EMDR to Work
A lot of people think EMDR only works if you have one big, clear trauma, like a car accident, or one specific memory that haunts you. Some people do come in with exactly that: one moment they can point to that clearly shaped how they feel today. EMDR is great for that.
But just as often, maybe even more often, it’s not one clear event at all. It might be an old belief about yourself. A pattern from childhood. A feeling of anxiety that doesn’t trace back to one moment. Both are common. Both are real starting points. We just need somewhere to begin. That’s really all a “target” is. If you want a wider look at what trauma recovery can involve, I’ve also written about whether it’s possible to fully recover from trauma.
The Sessions Before EMDR Processing Begins
EMDR doesn’t start with eye movements in session one. We build up to it first.
Before we ever touch a hard memory, we spend time getting to know your history and finding a starting point together. We also make sure you feel comfortable enough to take that next step, and that you have a way to tell me if something needs to change, or if it starts to feel like too much.
- Getting a full picture of what brought you here
- Finding a starting point together, not deciding it for you
- Building tools you can use during and between sessions
- Making sure you feel ready, not rushed
Once that groundwork is there, we move into processing.
What Does an EMDR Processing Session Feel Like?
During a processing session, you’re not telling me your whole story out loud. You hold a memory in mind. You follow the eye movements, taps, or tones. I check in between sets. That’s really most of it.
This isn’t a trance. You stay aware the whole time, more like sitting in the passenger seat than being asleep at the wheel. I like to describe it as sitting on a train, watching things go by outside the window. We want things to keep moving. We don’t want you to get stuck staring at one thing.
You’re not steering where your mind goes next, and that’s part of what makes it interesting. Sometimes your brain connects the memory to something else entirely, something you hadn’t thought about in years. That’s normal. EMDR isn’t a memory-retrieval tool, but the brain likes to make connections while it works.
It’s also common, especially the first time, to get distracted by a different question: am I doing this right? Since so little seems to be happening on the surface, people naturally start watching themselves instead of just following the process. I promise, there’s no wrong way to watch a light move back and forth. It might be the one test in life you actually can’t fail. That eases up once you know what to expect.
Here’s something I hear a lot, usually at a check-in after we’ve done some processing, sometimes at the end of that same session, sometimes a session or two later. A client will tell me, “I remember everything. I can walk through exactly what happened. But it doesn’t feel as strong anymore, is that normal?” That question is one of my favorite signs. It means the memory is still there, you haven’t forgotten anything, but the emotional weight has come down.
This shift is often one of the first changes people notice. Sometimes it shows up after the very first processing session. More often, it takes a few sessions before someone notices that first change.
It doesn’t always look dramatic, either. Most people don’t have one single memory that haunts them with flashbacks. More often, it’s smaller: you notice you didn’t get triggered this time, or a belief that usually creeps up just doesn’t, in a moment where it normally would.
What If EMDR Feels Overwhelming?
Sometimes, during processing, things can feel more intense than they do when we’re just talking about the same memory. That’s a real part of it, and it doesn’t mean something’s wrong.
My job is to keep things at a level you can actually handle, not too much, not too little. We call this staying in your “window of tolerance.” If things start to feel like too much, we slow down or pause. Processing doesn’t work well if it’s too overwhelming to stay present, so we watch for that together, every step of the way.
Why EMDR Can Feel Tiring Afterward
One more thing worth knowing: EMDR asks a lot of your working memory. You’re holding a memory in mind while also tracking the eye movements or tones. That’s a lot for your brain to do at once.
Because of that, it’s common to feel tired or a little foggy for a few hours after a session. That’s normal, and it usually passes on its own.
This isn’t about where you do EMDR, either. It works just as well over video as it does in person. We see clients in person in Seal Beach, and we work with people virtually all across California too.
For virtual sessions, you’ll want a computer rather than a phone. The screen needs to be big enough to comfortably follow the eye movements. Virtual EMDR has its own upside too: since sessions can leave you tired afterward, it’s nice to be able to close your laptop and rest right on your own couch, instead of having to drive home first.
Two Things EMDR Can Do That Not Every Therapy Can
First, EMDR can work on memories you don’t fully remember, or don’t have words for. This includes things that happened when you were very young, medical experiences, or anything from a time you weren’t fully conscious for. Very few therapies can do that.
Second, you never have to describe what happened out loud if you don’t want to. This is your brain doing the processing work. I check in, but you only share what you choose to. Some people do end up wanting to name it eventually. You never have to.
Three of our clinicians currently offer EMDR here at Coastal Therapy & Wellness: Danny Duchene, LPCC, Christine Stellino, ACSW, and me. You can meet our full team, or read more about my background specifically.
EMDR is grounded in decades of research on how the brain stores and reprocesses distressing memories. If you’d like the fuller picture of what EMDR is and how we approach it, our EMDR therapy page is a good next stop.
Wondering how many sessions this actually takes? I break down real timelines and what changes the number in How Many EMDR Sessions Does It Actually Take? And if the trauma you’re carrying goes back to childhood rather than one clear event, I’ve written specifically about EMDR for childhood trauma too.
FAQ: What EMDR Feels Like
Do I need one big traumatic memory for EMDR to work?
Does EMDR start with eye movements right away?
Is it normal to feel tired after an EMDR session?
Will I have to describe what happened out loud?
Can EMDR work if I don’t fully remember what happened?
Does EMDR work as well online as in person?
Why does EMDR actually work?
Final Thoughts
EMDR is one of the stranger-feeling therapies out there, and that’s probably why so many people hesitate before trying it. But even after everything I’ve seen, I still think it’s a little bit like witchcraft. I can’t always explain why it works so well. I just know that it does, for the vast majority of people I’ve worked with. That’s what EMDR feels like, from where I sit: strange at first, real the whole way through, and usually lighter by the end.
You don’t have to believe in it for it to work. You just have to be willing to sit down and see what happens.
If you’re curious whether EMDR could help with something you’ve been carrying, let’s talk it through. We offer EMDR therapy in Seal Beach, and virtually all across California.
